So my review is going up a little later than my associate’s. He was most likely sitting on his couch with his lack of knee, feverishly hitting the refresh button like a lunatic until the clock struck 8 PM. Respect it. But let’s look at the schedule of the team that no one in the state of New York cares about except for myself and a couple of other hardos. I am going to do my best with these decent and amateur takes. Note, it is far too early to actually know who is going to win (with the exception of a couple of games) but I felt rivaled when I saw the Giants review, so I crumbled. Although these are really what I believe the outcomes of the game will be, there will be no real analysis, not even close.
9/10 at Cleveland Browns:
Let’s add a little gasoline to that dumpster fire. Seriously, they couldn’t have scheduled a less exciting game for the Steelers to open up with. Steelers by 70.
Steelers 42 Browns 3
9/17 vs. Minnesota Vikings:
Minnesota is weird man. Nobody even knows who is going to start at QB for them, either Teddy or Sammy Sleeves. But honestly I don’t really care. Only thing I am worried about is the Vikings defensive backs making it a bit difficult for Ben to throw. BUT GUESS WHAT, we have an answer for that. Le’Veon Bell, the best running back in football.
Steelers 28 Vikings 14
9/24 at Chicago Bears:
September is too early for Bear Weather, and Mike Glennon’s neck is 10 feet long. But hey that might be an advantage, could see over the offensive line better. Steelers leave Soldier Field in shambles.
Steelers 34 Bears 10
10/1 at Baltimore Ravens:
No matter how bad or good each team is the game is going to be decided by 3 points, always is. I get that divisional rivalries are always close, but not as close as the Rat Birds and Steelers bring it. On that Christmas Night game, the Steelers not only zipped up the Ravens body bag, but dug the hole too. Every surface of my body was covered in sweat and I am not ashamed to admit it. But the Ravens also aren’t the same team as they were last season, lost Steve Smith and their #1 tackler Zachary Orr to a career-ending neck injury. Although they did acquire the grittiest player in the NFL, Danny Woodhead. I think I actually found one player on that roster that I don’t despise with every bone in my body. But still, my hate for this team is limitless. Since I go to school in Philly, you see the occasional Raven hat or shirt, and because of that I become infuriated. Like when a bull sees the color red. Regardless, this game will give me palpitations.
Steelers 17 Ravens 14
10/8 vs. Jacksonville Jaguars:
WILL BLAKE BORTLES FINALLY HAVE HIS BREAKOUT SEASON? Nah dude. But I do think the Jaguars will have a change this season, with Doug Marrone and General Coughlin. I can’t even imagine how much he has already whipped that organization into shape. But come on, Steelers are going to shove the Jags into a locker, O’Doyle style.
Steelers 34 Jaguars 14
10/15 at Kansas City Chiefs:
I’m going to use that patented Andy Reid flow chart…
Is he off a bye?
-If yes, you lose
-If no, you win.
Well he is NOT off a bye, so they win.
Steelers 26 Chiefs 20
10/22 vs. Cincinnati Bengals
Steelers won the past 7 of 8 vs. the Bengals. Team only got worse since last season. Lost their only good linemen, gonna blitz out the wazoo. Oh yeah and Vontaze Burfict is still the worst. Steelers are only going to add to the list of reasons the Bengals Organization should fire Marvin Lewis.
Steelers 28 Bengals 13
10/29 at Detroit Lions (Sunday Night Football):
The Lions are just about as explosive as the man who is the head coach of the team. Home or away, I don’t care, Steelers win this game 10/10. Ben lights up the defense like the damn 4th of July.
Steelers 35 Lions 14
11/5 BYE Week:
And yes I know I haven’t predicted the Steelers to lose a game yet…THATS RIGHT.
11/12 at Indianapolis:
If there is one thing the Steelers are good at it is making the Colts look silly. Ben has thrown 13 TDs against them in the past 3 games. AB had 3 TDs himself last season. BOLD PREDICTION: AB gets 4 TDs this game. Andrew Luck is a nerd. That last part won’t have any effect on the outcome of the game, just felt like saying it.
Steelers 28 Colts 10
11/16 vs. Tennessee Titans (Thursday Night Football):
So I saw that the game would be available on Amazon, don’t even know what that means. Thought Twitter were the ones who broadcasted Thursday night games. But then again, who am I to say, I watched like one Thursday night game last season. So Tennessee, I thought they were actually better than everyone gave them credit for last season. I think they have a legitimate chance in the AFC South, and by that I mean taking the the division with a record of 9-7. I also think if there is a game for Ben to get injured in, it’s this one. Just an irrelevant game where he will like sprain his ankle or something, toss on a brace for a week and come back sooner because he is just a freak of nature.
Steelers 20 Titans 9
11/26 vs. Green Bay Packers (Sunday Night Football):
I’m already scared. Aaron Rodgers in the second half of the season, let alone the first, is my worst nightmare. The dude is a football robot. I don’t think the secondary is ready for it. They haven’t caught an Aaron Rodgers beatdown since 2011…in the Super Bowl, and I unfortunately think that it is coming again. Don’t get me wrong, this game is going to be an absolute shootout. Just balls flying left and right, bodies getting tossed, total bloodbath. Rodgers will make some BANANAS last drive and win.
Steelers 31 Packers 34
12/4 at Cincinnati Bengals (Monday Night Football):
This game is going to be closer than the first one, Bengals are going to pick there stuff up in the second half of the season and make the eventual, unsuccessful playoff push. Here’s the catch, they still lose.
Steelers 24 Bengals 20
10/10 vs. Baltimore Ravens (Sunday Night Football):
Ohhhhhh man. I need this game. Don’t want it, need it. Primetime against the Ravens at home. Nothing turns my blood to straight adrenaline like that. You know what, not adrenaline…airplane fuel. I am so excited to literally beat the ever living piss out of that team. It’s so close I can almost taste it.
Steelers 31 Ravens 10
12/17 vs. New England Patriots:
Just when I though I was going to be that happy, the Patriots come to town to ruin me. I wrote the blog about Tom Brady wanting to play for basically another decade and how it is going to mentally tear me apart. The Patriots will win the Super Bowl again, and they are going to make the Steelers look like they have never played football before. Actually I retract that statement, like they have never done anything athletic ever. Ben is just going to go up to TB12 and ask him for another autographed jersey.
Steelers 21 Patriots 34
12/25 at Houston Texans:
Christmas Day baby. But I think this game is closer than some people think. I actually think Houston’s defense is the real deal, especially having J.J. back from whatever he injured this time (his back?). I just think the Steeler’s offensive weaponry, and lack there of for the Texans, is going to be to much for them to handle. Le’Veon rushes for 213 yards and gets in the endzone let’s say 3 times.
Steelers 36 Texans 17
12/31 vs. Cleveland Browns:
Happy New Year
Steelers 42 Browns 10
So 14-2. I have never been so sure of anything in my whole entire life. So let’s hope everyone stays healthy and keeps off the Devil’s lettuce.