What’s Your Top Ten Movie List and Why is Catch Me If You Can not on it?

I’m not here to polarize the movie watching community with a random movie take.  I’m very particular when it comes to what movies I spend my precious time watching.  I’m not gonna sit down and watch The Fast and the Furious (there I said it, that movie stinks), any horror movie (can’t have my sleep patterns disrupted by nightmares) or any crap recommendation on Netflix (unless the “chill” clause is triggered before/during/after).  Give me the classics, the award winners, the Ebert and IMBD approved.

I’m sitting here, leg propped up, laptop open and a pillow acting as a buffer between my loins and hardware.  This is where I need a film to really stroke my interest, to distract me from my harsh, pseudo-crippled reality.  Enter Catch Me If You Can: Leonardo Dicaprio, Tom Hanks, Stephen Spielberg, Christopher Walken, Ramón Antonio Gerardo Estévez (known professionally as Martin Sheen).  It gave us Meredith Grey (the actual actress has Jason Alexander syndrome), Elizabeth Banks, Amy Adams and JENNIFER GARNER.  This team is the Cleveland ’95 of Hollywood–the young smokes of Hollywood all dabbled in a little DiCaprio and now they win oscars and run Netflix.

How did this movie not win the Oscar for Best Movie Ever Made?  This was pre-environmentalist Leo; young baby-faced Leo that brought Gisele Bundchen to the Oscars.  I have a rule about seeing movies:

Is Leo in the movie?

Yes–> Don’t ask questions, watch the movie.

No–> find a movie Leo is in.

I have a few rules that change intermittently when it comes to movie, but there is a concrete list–not written but just known–of qualities that make a movie great:

  1.  Stars:  Leo, Hanks, Sheen, young smokes, Walken.  Leo is the eye-candy, big-bill name that will draw any demographic to the movies.  Tom Hanks acted with a volleyball.  Last but not least, Christopher Walken: one of the great idiosyncratic acting talents.
  2. Story:  Anything that’s based on a true story is automatically good because it managed to finagle it’s way to the silver screen.  Even if this story is half true, its still nuts.  As far as excitement goes, it’s the complete opposite of my life.  Frank Abagnale Jr. whimsically decides to become a fake-pilot, a fake-doctor, a fake-lawyer, a fake-federal agent and stacks bundles while doing so.  He’s a man of mystery and intrigue, soliciting the interest of gorgeous teen magazine cover girls turned call girls and southern belles.
  3. Characters:  compelling, gut-wrenching empathy for the truly lonely DiCaprio, the heart-broken Walken; the fascination with the Boston accent also brings some power to this movie.  Perhaps the most polarizing accent, the Boston accent carries with it the power to intrigue but also enrage.  I’ve never heard so much criticism directed at a dialect before.  It’s brought to life again by Carl Hanratty, a man whose accent prohibits him from properly pronouncing his own name.
  4. Soundtrack:  A movie with a great soundtrack is a great movie by itself.  If it is original and catchy, it can withstand whatever criticism is hurled at it.  Scorcese brings the soundtrack heat in every movie, hence why he has been a giant of the industry for four decades.  Spielberg cranks the quality tunes in this one.

There you have it.  Catch Me If You Can passes the Kaline Sports movie-test and is given a gold seal of approval.  Years from now when time travel is invented and we are able to correct past mistakes, let’s write an artistic wrong and throw this bad boy into the annals of the Academy greatness.  Screen Shot 2017-03-30 at 8.12.43 PM.png

First, don’t sit there and tell me Gangs of New York is lesser than Chicago.  Only say that if you are wearing a strait jacket, so I don’t socially flame you for it.  Next, don’t tell me Catch Me if You Can was rightfully omitted. I refuse to listen to anything of the sort.  I’ll let you the reader decide which between The Pianst and The Hours deserves to be scraped.

Appreciate all 14 of you tuning in for a cinema rant today.  I’m happy to flex on you with the silver screen savvy anytime you request it (kalinesports@gmail.com).  Ask and ye’ shall receive.


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