Unsolicited Update on my Life: I Tore My ACL

A day like any other, a play like any other.  First off, shout out to Nassau County for the condition they keep their fields in.  I have enough trouble focusing on what the other team is doing, without having to navigate the pot holes and divots in the field.  What do players do?  They make plays.  As the deep safety, my job is protect the centerfield portion, so when a hobbit-sized quarterback puts a duck into orbit, its Earl Thomas’ job to snatch that wobbler out of the air and turn it into six.  That’s my nature, and unfortunately it was inevitable a player would get played trying to make a play.  Shame on me for trying to help the team out.

I could say a lot right now.  I could go on and on about the pain and agony I have had to endure over these last 48 hours, where everything I know and love (except the couch, television, and anything else that falls into a sloth lifestyle) has been snatched from me.  My ability to perform as an above-average to mediocre (depending on who you ask) flag football player is in jeopardy, my confidence in climbing stairs is shot and aptitude for pseudo-stasis on the couch has increased ten fold (side note: need television series recommendations).  I have shaken off the agony that bears down on me to come to my loyal viewership and let you know, I am not done.  I’ve stolen a page from the JJ Watt School of Unsolicited Updates to let you know my days as a flag football hardo are not yet over, and I will be back.

It’s taken a while, but I can finally say I have something in common with Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Adrian Peterson and Von Miller.  All athletes who tore their ACL before or during the peak of their powers.  Many questions followed, some harder to answer than others.

Would the Patriots dump Tom Brady in favor of Matt Cassel?  Only if Bill Belichick added a fancy for bath salts.

Would Adrian Peterson ever reclaim his title as the league’s best rusher?

Did you even know Aaron Rodgers tore his ACL?

What avenue would Von Miller explore to rehab and return the season he tore his ACL, the same season he was suspended for PED use?

The great ones always face adversity and I believe JJ Watt said best what some other cliche-spewing moron said, “A set back is just a set up for a come back.”

Those of you who know me, who know I will be bed ridden for weeks with nothing to do will probably assume I gain 40 lbs.  But those of you who really know me know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will begrudgingly follow every tedious step of rehab.  I will definitely complain 33% of the week, probably cut a day to go smoke a black and mild and come back sweating anyway just because getting in and out of the car with crutches is absolutely exhausting.  I will snapchat the requisite picture of my knee, future scar visible, while propped up at the therapists office.

Just know, the odds are stacked against me, but–if you walk with me, if you believe in me–in one years time…I will probably re injure myself.

As JJ Watt said in his unsolicited and unnecessary announcement of his intent to not retire, “Am I done.”

“Hell no.”

“I’m just getting started”


PS–As far as an attempt to be funny goes, I don’t know how the measure this.  Im in serious agony right now, which I guess most people who know me find funny by itself.  I slipped on crutches at a restaurant Sunday night and instinctively put my injured leg out to regain my balance, which hurt like fucking hell.  I’ve woken up in a hot sweat and throbbing pain the last two nights, and I’ve fallen down the stairs twice already.  Anyone who has any shred of pity, please send me some perc’s and a life alert neck alarm.  Much obliged.






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