Enter Ben McAdoo: Everything about him says “strictly business,” and in the NFL, that equates to crushing the film room, showing up to press conferences with minimal attention paid to your appearance, deflecting pretty direct questions with convoluted and irrelevant answers, and jamming football-speak into pressers.
Did McAdoo fulfill this criteria day one:
Crushing the Film Room: Well, he said tape maybe twelve times in his presser, and since he is probably not talking about bandaging up the broken defense that he inherited from the village idiot Jerry Reese, I will safely assume it refers to film study.
Press Conference Appearance:
Mrs. McAdoo- “You have to wear something nice”
Ben- “Fine, I’ll wear one of my sweat grey Giants polos”
The Mrs.- “No put on a suit.”
Ben- “I don’t own a suit–stop at JC Penny on the way to the press conference and pick me out a suit…I THINK I am a 58 Long but I haven’t worn a suit since I drove 20 hours in a snowstorm to meet Mike McCarthy”
The cheap three piece suit like the one your mom would force you to wear to a function. Blazer that looks like it was a Mike McCarthy hand me down.
Commonality among some great NFL head coaches: consistency in the subpar, almost comedic wardrobes. Jim Harbaugh: khaki’s and a sweater seven days a week, 365 days a year. Bill Belichick: still rocking cut off sweaters from his inaugural season at Patriots head coach. Wins, work ethic and worn out clothes. Just the three pillars of successful NFL coaches. Style is overrated anyway. You know who had style? Mike Nolan. Wearing a suit on the sidelines will get you killed in the NFL.
Appearance verdict: DOUBLE CHECK PLUS. Hair looks like he quickly checked his reflection in some miscellaneous window en route to the conference. Still on point though. Only negative here is he unexpectedly disconnected the goatee, which was an attribute that I not only endorsed but planned on copying. What do you even call what he has? Look more like my Uncle, please.
Also, his body is completely disproportional to his head. That tells me something: he crushes McDonalds while sharpening his mind. Half past 2 AM in the film room and another crumpled bag of Mickey D’s sinks into the trash can from across the room as Ben flips on hour six of tape. Nothing says NFL head coach like a dumpy mid section but a somewhat skinny face. So far, he is nothing short of the ideal candidate.
Deflecting Direct Questions:
Reporter- ” Joe Philbin is coming as Assistant Head Coach”
Ben- “He is?”
BOOM! Stoic expression post response to stick the landing. Fuck your insider sources and reports, I will tell you the 411 when I feel like it. Oh and you heard Spags too? That’s nice.
Three for three and hasn’t even broken a sweat yet.
Jamming Football Speak into Pressers:
Words/Phrases Used: “Turn on the tape…culture…identity…fundamentals (over emphasis is a plus)…teach…off-season…build a winner” This man did his homework. Also, he name dropped Aaron Rodgers, in case you forgot that he was his quarterback coach once upon a time.
“HE JUST HIT A FUCKING HOME RUN OFF SANDY KOUFAX”
Welcome to New York, Ben. I look forward to pillaging the NFC over the next 15 years and winning multiple Super Bowls. Eli, how do you feel about the move?
PS. What is Jerry Reese’s deal?